THIS JUST IN

I really, REALLY like strawberries and cream instant oatmeal. I like the delicious strawberry taste, I like the hot pink color of the rehydrated strawberries, and I like how they sort of turn the oatmeal light pink.

Love.

Also, let’s talk about the weather! As Ro knows all too well, I love weather. Or, I like to know about it. I don’t necessarily always like what it is actually doing. Mostly, I hate wind. Wind is the most useless and annoying of all weather. Sorry. Ok. So, it’s warm, eh? Pretty nice. Unfortunately for me, the whole cold-cold-cold-colder-rain-rainandcold-cold-HOTHOTHOT thing that happened means that every single tree in the metro-Boston area decided to bloom at the exact same time. Because I am an idiot and can never remember to start taking Claritin a few weeks before the tree pollen starts, my head feels like a leaky water balloon. That also sneezes and bitches a lot.

Things I am outraged by at this one moment in time

1. The cancellation of Andy Barker, P.I.– Even though Ro told me about this days ago, outraged I remain. I mean, I guess the ratings were terrible, but as Ro pointed out, the first episodes were all during weeks where they were only showing repeats of The Office, and I would additionally point out that it was up against new episodes of Grey’s and CSI. That just seems like stacking the deck; I seriously doubt NBC has something better in development, and it should have been given a chance, like The Office was, to build an audience.

2. The weather – What is UP?

3. The girl who tried to kill me last weekend – Still mad about this, too. Or maybe it’s that I get newly mad each time I think about it? Some dumb girl pulled up alongside me as I biked along Mass Ave. and kept pace with my bike for a few seconds before deciding that what she really wanted to do was make a right-hand turn from the left side of ME. I don’t generally get road rage when I have the occasion to drive (or, I guess, when I used to drive) but I sure do get bicycle rage whenever someone does something that could result in my physical injury.

4. Comcast – I am always outraged at Comcast. Always. It is a permanent state.

 5. People who don’t say thank you – No one says thank you to the guy who hands out the Metro at the bottom of the stairs in the T. No one. I don’t understand; dude just handed you a newspaper, which you took. What’s wrong with you?

6. The guy who gets behind someone in a left-turn lane and then honks when the person in front of him stops because they are waiting to make a left – Specifically, at the intersection of Mass. and Somerville Avenues in Porter Square, there is a left-turn only lane, a straight-through only lane, and a lane from which both of those things are possible. But if you want to turn left, you have to wait for the light. Everyone who wants to turn left can’t fit solely in the left-turn only lane, because it gets backed up, so eventually a few left-turners end up in the combo lane. And inevitably, some asshat who wants to go straight gets in that lane behind them, and then beeps, repeatedly, and waves his hands irritably, because he CANNOT COMPREHEND the existence of a lane in which people may turn left or may go straight. It’s a crapshoot, dude, and you picked that lane, so either wait quietly or wait until it’s safe to change lanes. No? You’re going to honk and honk and honnnnnk and then peel out dangerously as though you’ve been personally wronged? Ok, cool.

The Naming of Things

I just noticed that Ta subtitled our blog Carebears v. Transformers, not Carebears vs. Transformers. This way is much funnier. Before, I felt kind of bad that the Carebears were going to be massacred by the giant, metal, weapon-toting / actually-being-weapons-themselves Transformers. What were the Carebears going to do? Care at them? Transformers don’t have souls, that wouldn’t have worked.

How I Imagine This Lawsuit Came To Be:

Location: Care-A-Lot, outside Grumpy Bear’s adorable house. Three Carebears gaze upward, where a huge battle rages in the rainbow-filled sky.

Grumpy Bear: Damn it!
Good Luck Bear: I hope it all works out! Those Decepticons are meanies!
Grumpy Bear: Do they have to do this here? Oh, great, now one of them is dropping bombs.
Funshine Bear: They’re pretty like fireworks! Anyone want a hug?
Good Luck Bear: I do!

They hug.  A bomb falls on Grumpy Bear’s adorable house.

Grumpy Bear: Every time. Every frigging time.
Funshine Bear, emerging from the hug: Oh no! Grumpy Bear, your house fell down!
Good Luck Bear: We can fix it!
Grumpy Bear: That doesn’t work, morons.
Funshine Bear and Good Luck Bear: CARE BEAR STARE!!!!

They stare at the rubble. Grumpy Bear rolls his eyes.

Tired of (part one of eighty billion)

These two photograph compositions:

1. Looking down at photographer’s shoes. Tips of shoes take up bottom 1/4 of frame. Top 3/4 may be floor, ground, or the actual subject of the photo.
2. Frame about two feet above and looking directly down at a surface. Subject often objects on a table.

Stop taking these pictures, please. I’m sure it’s just overexposure, but they are driving me right out of my goddamned mind. I look down at the floor and down at my desk all day. Also, your shoes aren’t that cute. And yes, you have evoked the charm of everyday objects, congratulations, so has everyone else with a digital camera and a knickknack.

Cliff Game: Recently Seen edition

ALERT: Contains mild Blades of Glory and 300 spoilers, and quite large The Prestige spoilers. 

Ta: This was originally called “Recently Netflixed/Frequently TiVoed edition,” but we ended up with some theater movies in here. It turns out, absed on our stats, a lot of people find their way here by Googling “cliff game.” Which is odd, but ok.

Frankly, I only put the TiVoed in there so we could do:

Supernatural characters: Sam, Dean, and Bobby.

Ro: Oh God, that’s impossible! I would be fine with literally any configuration so long as Dean lives and I don’t have to sleep with Bobby. So, let’s see:

Option 1: sleep with Sam, live with Dean, kill Bobby.
Option 2: sleep with Dean, live with Sam, kill Bobby.
Option 3: sleep with Dean, live with Bobby, kill Sam.

Frankly, those are all pretty awesome. I guess #3, because Dean is hot and Bobby is slightly more awesome than Sam. But wait! Dean would be sad if I killed Sam… Although, hee, it would solve a lot of Dean’s problems. No more angst! I knocked your potentially-evil brother off a cliff, everything’s okay now! Still, though, I don’t like it when Dean cries, so I guess Option 2. I’m not looking forward to living platonically forever with Sam, though. Do I get to ride around with them, hunting things, saving people…you know, the family business? Aaaannnd I hate myself.

For you: Eric, Vince, Ari.

Ta: I would also go with Option 2, but have the same concerns. Also, I mean, I don’t want to live with Sam if he IS going to turn evil and kill me, you know? So that’s worrisome. Yes, you would get to drive around with them. Maybe you can convince Dean to oil the hinges on the car.

Dude, Eric, Vince, and Ari is deceptively hard! Initially, I jumped right to sleep with Vince (pretty!), live with Eric, kill Ari. But Ari is kind of awesome and entertaining. He is also not the most fiscally
responsible though, and we would probably end up out on the street. But I really don’t think I can kill Eric or Vince, you know? But living with Ari would be hilarious! DAMMIT. And then living with Vince would also be pretty great, on account of him being a rich movie star. And he’s kind of a whore. But, well, pretty. So I guess I come full circle, and I will live with Eric, sleep with Vince, and kill Ari. But I am not as happy as I could be about that.

Entourage the second, of course, for you: Turtle, Drama, and Lloyd. Hee!

Ro: Man, that would be an awesome life, except how I would get killed after a few episodes. Seriously, Dean, you can wax and shine that car, but you can’t drop a little oil in those doors? Shameful.

I don’t want to kill Ari, exactly, but I don’t see much choice. He would be awesome to live with for about ten minutes of each day. So I guess I’d do the same thing as you – sleep with Vince, live with Eric, kill Ari. Eric can comfort me when Vince immediately sleeps with eight other girls and forgets my name even though I live in the house with him.

Entourage the second is terrible. You should have seen my face when I came to Lloyd. What I really want is to kill Drama, and to live with Turtle, but that requires me to sleep with Lloyd, and I don’t think either of us would enjoy that. Then again, I really, really want to kill Drama and living with Turtle would be awesome. And the other options require me to kill Lloyd (NOOOOOOO!!!) or live with him (yikes). I don’t think this question is fair, because Lloyd isn’t a real option. I hate you. FINE. I will sleep with Turtle, and live with Lloyd, and kill Drama. That’s ridiculous. I hope you die.

From Blades of Glory (the characters): Chazz Michael Michaels, Jimmy MacElroy, and Stranz Van Waldenberg.

Ta: I think he likes the doors to do that. I don’t know why though.

Poor Lloyd! I know, it’s an awful decision, but I think I am going to sleep with Lloyd (sorry, I am so sorry) so that I can kill Drama and live with Turtle. Drama can cook, which is a bonus, but I don’t think I could take his constant delusions and glory-day reliving. And of course, I really do not want to kill Lloyd. So, I am sleeping with him TO SAVE HIS LIFE. He’ll thank me later.

I don’t think I can do this next cliff game on account of laughing too hard. Hee! I mean, you know Chazz has like 8 STDs, so I am not sleeping with that. I think living with Chazz would be awesome. Stranz is hilariously awesome too, but remember how he seemed stupid? And the kiss! Shudder. So I don’t think I can sleep with him, both because of the incest, and because I really don’t want to kill Jimmy. If I sleep with Jimmy, is Katie going to be mad? Because I definitely don’t want to break them up, in all their adorable lameness. I guess I’ll sleep with Jimmy, live with Chazz, and kill Stranz? I don’t know, I’m not really set on any of those.

For you, from, um, The Prestige? I think. Yeah. Um, Hugh Jackman’s character, the Christian Bale who loved Scarlett, or the Christian Bale who loved his wife.

Ro: I will sleep with Chazz. At least it’ll be quick. Zing! And live with Jimmy and sadly kill Stranz, even though he is awesome.

For The Prestige, I would sleep with the Bale that loved Scarlett, live with the one that loved his wife, and kill Hugh Jackman’s character. He was nuts, even more than the other two (sort of). Also, I assume we are assuming everyone survives the movie and I’m not committing necrophilia or living a Weekend at Uncle Bernie’s type life, right? Right.

For you, the 300! Angry Yelling Gerard Butler (King Leonidas), Creepy Betraying Dominic West (Theron), and Oops Faramir Lost His Eye (Dilios). You’re welcome for not giving you the hunchback. Or the priests. Or Xerxes. (who, by the way, is Paulo on Lost).

Ta: I would do the same for The Prestige. I was going to give you the magicians and Tesla, but then I remembered there were twin/clones, and went that way instead. Not only they do survive the movie, but there are not 45 Hugh Jackmans-in-a-box to choose from. Gross.

THANK YOU. Also, I cannot believe Paulo is Xerxes. I actually checked IMDB because I could not believe that. And because you are a notorious liar.

This really comes down to Leonidas and Dilios – I am definitely going to kill super-creepy asshat Theron. I think living with Leonidas would be pretty awesome – I mean, he’s the king, that is nice. And he seems like an affable, if totally insane, chap. But Dilios is so nice! He would be a good housemate, I bet. But I think I would rather sleep with him and would rather live with him. I guess living with Leonidas could be a problem too, with people trying to usurp him and what not. So..sleep with Leonidas and live with Dilion, and kill Theron.

Since it is almost the time you leave work, I’m calling it.

Ro: Call it all you want! I’m still playing! Anyway, I would do the same thing. Except, because of The Wire, I have conflicted feelings about Theron. Still, he dies.