Warm Christmas: Part 2 of definitely not going to be 7

Merry Christmas! I guess I’ll recap the last few days down here – the clubhouse hasn’t really been open today or yesterday, hence the lack of posting. If this gets posted today, it will be because I brought the laptop over and sat outside to get the signal. (Note: Obviously, this did not get posted on Christmas.)

Christmas was really relaxed, actually. We had to take my brother to the airport in the afternoon, so we just took it easy. The rest of the family went to Animal Kingdom; we went to Waffle House and saw Walk Hard. Not a bad day, all in all. It’s nice and quiet in the house right now since it’s just a few of us, but everyone will be back from Disney soon, and then it will be very, very loud again (we are up to 15 people, two of which are babies and three of which are big, loud, brothers). (Oh wait! They just called, and my younger uncle and his wife are coming back, because they have normal amounts of energy/tolerance for Disney, but the rest are staying until it closes. Even though they went to bed at 2am and got up at 7am. And have two babies in tow. Man.) We do have a tiny Christmas tree, so there’s that.

We did a few presents Christmas Eve. Or rather, my dad’s two brothers’ families had presents for the rest of us and we slackers just took ‘em (I won 6 bucks on the scratch ticket I got from my aunt). My youngest uncle made us all lovely wooden pens, which was very nice. We had a really quiet yummy dinner of pre-made stuff from the supermarket (turkey, ham, various casseroles and stuffings). We’ve had a lot of pie. Like, a lot of pie – key lime, sweet potato, pumpkin, and peach thus far.

The bulk of Christmas Eve, before we did all that, we spent in Tarpon Springs, a village famous for being the largest producer of sponges in the US. It was founded by a Greek guy back in 1902, so everything is Greek – the food, the street names, the people. We had an awesome and ridiculously huge Greek lunch, and went out on a boat for a demonstration of how it used to be to go sponge-diving, complete with the guy dressed in an actual, old, 172-pound diving suit. It was actually pretty neat. I have photos, but not a card reader, so I can’t post anything til I get home.

Sunday, we took the fanciest tour money can buy of the Kennedy Space Center. It. Was. Awesome. Nature was a much larger part of the tour than I thought. You get on a bus and they drive you all over NASA’s land, stopping along the way to let you get out and take photos. So this drive goes through the nature reserves that are part of the complex, and we saw alligators, wild pigs, dolphins, turtles, and a ton of different birds, including creepy black vultures. Super cool. All of the NASA building are so 60s, because they are big into reusing stuff, so it all still looks very Apollo 13, which is sort of disconcerting. We saw the building where they assemble the whole shuttle setup – the orbiter, the fuel tank, and the solid rocket boosters. I will post the pictures, but the building is INSANELY huge. The Statue of Liberty can fit inside, upright.

We also saw the launch pads, including the pad where the Atlantis is sitting, all ready to go in January. Even from a few miles away, which is as close as people can go, it was very impressive. NASA has preserved an original Saturn V rocket, the kind that was used to launch the Apollo capsules, and has it suspended horizontally along the length of the building, about 20 feet off the ground so you can walk under it. Holy Crap. I have never seen anything so huge, apart from, you know, buildings, that was built by people. I can’t even begin to describe the scale, and I don’t know that the pictures will quite convey just how ridiculous it was.

That’s my time in Florida so far! There is a lot of driving, which is annoying, since I’m not used to driving so much and it’s not very scenic. It is very, very flat, and alternates between modern, “classy,” California-style strip malls (stucco buildings done in carefully different facades and warm, bright colors), and rundown, neon, pawn-shop filled strip malls. We drove by over five Hooters in the less than two hours from here to Tarpon Springs yesterday. We did finally find a Starbucks.

Still Warm: Part 1.5 of 7…ish?

So I am in the “clubhouse” in this little housing development we are staying in, because the wireless is here. We think we may be able to find a place back at the house where we also get it, so if we can, I’ll be writing more tonight, but if not, I just wanted to say a little bit more about yesterday, our day of Never-ending Travel.

I posted from the Tampa airport. Eventually my brother did arrive (I was right, through Atlanta) and we went down to get a cab to take us to the Tampa Amtrak station. Well this cabbie REALLY wanted to drive us all the way to Orland, for $120. Admittedly, that is less than it should have cost, but it was only $22 to the train station then $18 for us both on the train, so… And also, as we explained to the cabbie, we 1) did not know where we were going in Orlando, 2) we did not have the gate code or house keys, and 3) no one else’s flight had arrived yet. He spent an additional 10 minutes trying to convince us.

The Tampa Amtrak station was awesome, in a totally post-apocalyptic, insane, loud, hilarious way. We had 2 (!) hours to kill there, and there was not a lot going on. The building itself was cute, in an old-tyme train station kind of way, with seats that look like pews and high ceilings and molding and whatnot. The men working the counter were amazing, just shouting out order and instructions and yelling about everything to this HUGE line of people. Pretty remarkably chaotic, given that a grand total of 4 trains goes through Tampa each day, always at the same time. They were posted on a bulletin board.

The outside was the best part though – all cracked concrete platforms, rusted rails and even more rusted platform shelters. Everyone just kind of crowded onto the platforms while the counter guys got in golf carts and drove up and down each side of the platform beeping maniacally, forcing everyone far from the edges and into the middle. The platforms weren’t raised, which became a huge problem when the train arrived. Literally everyone was disembarking (it had come from Miami and was going to Orlando and beyond), and nearly all of them were OLD. Really old, and they were not having an easy time climbing out of the train, down the very narrow stairs, with their luggage. One at at time. And no one could board until every last old person was off of that train, so they were trying to keep the flood of people back from the door, but these people just kept inching up, cutting in line, poking around. My brother and I were laughing so hard, we could barely stand it.

The train ride was a hoot, it was a slightly scary-looking collection of people that got on. And it was not scenic – maybe the most interesting thing we saw was a farm and heavy equipment graveyard.

Today was a big improvement, but I’ll likely write about that tomorrow!

Warm Christmas: Part 1 of 7…ish?

I don’t know if the villa has wireless, so this may actually be just Part 1 of 1.

I’m in the Tampa airport, waiting for my brother to arrive. Of course, I have no idea what airline he comes in on or what time he gets here. 11-something, as I recall. It’s not a direct flight and I don’t remember where he connects from, so that isn’t helpful (my money is on Atlanta, I’ll keep you posted). I was there when he made the flight but failed to mentally note it. And then failed to really pursue that information later. So given that, the Tampa airport does have this to recommend it: all terminals are connected to a central building with tables, shops, crap food, and free wi-fi. He has to come through here, so at least I know where to be.

It’s not as hot here today as it was supposed to be, but it is humid, of course. I can feel it even from inside the airport. I haven’t spent a Christmas somewhere warm in a while. Pretty much since college, when I finally put an end to the alternating Christmas scheme (one year with mom, the other with dad, the other parent “getting” New Years), it’s been all-PA, all the time. I’m not super-enthused about the locale, and 7 days seems like an insanely long time to be somewhere like this, somewhere that I can’t get around myself (you can’t walk anywhere from our villa, I Google-mapped the hell out of it to check, and we’ll have a small fleet of rental cars that I can’t really drive anyhow).

They’ve really decked the place out, the airport. Seriously, from my chair, which swivels, I can actually see 34 wreaths. Maybe to make up for lack of environmental Christmas cues? So far, I’ve seen the biggest person I’ve ever seen in real like, balancing his laptop on his stomach. That kind of bummed me out. And I was starving, having gotten up at 4:30 to catch the first T to the airport (crossing my fingers, since that first T was only early enough to get me to Logan 45 minutes pre-flight…sorry, mom). But the only food in this central building is a TGIFridays, Taco Bell, and BK. Because of stupid Fast Food Nation I’ve been avoiding the chains (not because they are not delicious, and having worked at Dunkin I have a high tolerance for food prep…issues, but because they are wrecking shit up). But hunger won and I ate a little thing of crown-shaped chicken nuggets.

The airport was not as bad as I had feared it might be but it was like a freaking orphanage or something. This one is too, just kids on everything, falling over, screaming, being adorable/irritating, depending on the child. Lots of sullen looking teens, being dragged to visit the retirement communities housing their grandparents.

I’m also very impressed with myself because I managed to smash my puffy black coat into a flat mass and get it in my tiny suitcase upon arrival. Go me. Now when I open it my suitcase will be like a tiny, soft, slowly-exploding bomb.

Just saw the word “monorail,” so that Simpsons song will just replay in my head for 7 hours now.

Safe travels to anyone else making a journey this weekend!

Bits!

I have returned to America! Here are some things.

1) I had a lot of TV to watch when I got back. I am mostly caught up, down to just this week’s Wednesday and Thursday shows. It’s been hard, I’m not going to lie. Some stuff had better start getting canceled, or I will never be able to leave the apartment again.

2) On my flight from Barcelona to France, I sat next to the cousin of the character Janice from Friends. She was such an Ugly American, and coupled with her annoying voice, that made for a very cringe-y flight for me. No ice for her water? The French! Sigh.

3) Barcelona was very clean. They had people out in tiny cars doing trash collection and street cleaning all the time. In contrast to the cleanliness, there was a lot of graffiti.

4) I have a terrible cold. HF suggested that it was the Spanish Flu.

5) The subway was incredibly easy to use. The city as a whole was very navigable. But the commuter rail type train was impossible to figure out, which is unfortunate, since that is how you get to the airport.

6) In Barcelona, I ordered fisherman’s paella, since the city is proud
of its seafood. It came with two whole prawns, and two whole things
that looked like tiny lobsters (I think they were langostinos). I
didn’t want to be rude, so I felt I had to eat one of each. I had no
idea how to disassemble them, but I managed. It was really gross. Don’t click on that thumbnail unless you are ok with sea creatures.

7) Something I did not order in Barcelona, but wanted to: Plate of Ham. Really, it’s a plate of jamon de pais, which is really more like prosciutto. Just a plate of it, laid out in one layer.

Barcelona may be clean, but sometimes, not so much with the people. I mean, anywhere in Europe really, you are likely to encounter some serious B.O. (Here, too, of course, especially on places like the train, so that you can’t escape.) Universality does not make it less stinky though.

9) People dressed very casually in Barcelona, surprisingly so, given the excellent shopping and proximity to Paris. Lots of jeans, t-shirts, sweaters, etc. And all the women wore flats! I really saw maybe 10 pairs of heels, and usually that was boots. But the hair. My greatest regret is not getting a picture of the hair. Two major "styles:" Dying your head one of two shades of unnatural red (orangey or purplish), or giving yourself a streaky, overly-layered longish mullet. Even more confusing was that only half of the women had done either of these, which means that they looked at all the other ladies with their lovely, simply cut hair, often brunette, often wavy, and thought: "I mean, that looks ok, but I think I should cut off great hunks of mine and dye it with cranberry juice."

10) The big, semi-open-air markets were cool, and filled with all these beautiful and interesting fruits, candy, peppers, spices, and vegetables. And then I saw a cow’s head.

Ugly Tamerican

I am leaving for Barcelona on Wednesday. I am extremely excited for my First Real Vacation this year, as well as my return, upon which I will watch television for three straight days. It will be glorious. And maybe it will help me make some TV cuts, because good god, it’s getting out of control.

But I digress.

Barcelona. It seems that I know a lot of people who have gone there, and they all love it, universally. I’ve really not had any time to even think about what I want to do while there, and I’ve only skimmed a friend’s guidebook. I can give you a list of things that WON’T happen on my trip.

1. While at the airport, I will not make chitchat with the other passengers buying water at the newsstand about how glad we are that we can now buy and carry-on said water. Not because I’m not glad, I just hate chitchat.

2. I will not start a fight with the security people about whether or not my shampoo is in a 3 ounce or smaller bottle. Though I’ll want to.

3. I will not wear a fanny pack.

4. I will not, once in Barcelona, talk like Peggy Hill does when she is substitute teaching Spanish class. I will also not remember much of my five years of junior high and high school Spanish.

5. I will, however, try to remember that "embarazada" does not mean "embarrassed." It means "pregnant." That is important.

6. I will not go stupid at the metro station, and will remember that I can probably figure out how to use the ticket-making machine. Unlike certain people in a certain city in which I live, none of whom can manage to do the same even in their native language.

7. I will not set foot on a tour bus.

8. I will not enter a McDonald’s. Unless it is to use the bathroom. I cannot make the same promise if I find a Dunkin’ Donuts. I really enjoyed the Dunkin’ Donuts in Prague. You have to pay for each sugar!

9. I will eat so many tapas. In Barcelona, you save the toothpicks from each piece of tapas, and then they count them at the end of your meal and charge you accordingly.

10. I will not hide my toothpicks.

11. If I say something in English and someone doesn’t understand me, I will not just repeat that same statement more loudly. I will also not add crazy hand gestures.

12. Ok, maybe I will do that.

Ok, ok, I’M BACK. Jesus.

Look, I am really, really tired. I was in Puerto Rico, then I got up at 6am to fly back and come to stupid work. I am an idiot. Imaginary Ta would never have done such a thing, so maybe Ro is better off without her. Real Ta has to fly to Chicago for work tomorrow morning, then back to Boston on Thursday. This makes Real Ta very, very tired.

Not only was I gone, I didn’t have access to free email or blackberry in PR, so poor Ro was left to fend for herself, totally alone.

Short version of the trip: I sat on the beach, a lot. I napped, a lot. I ate, A LOT.

And you know what, I do like crab cakes. But I don’t think I have ever, ever had a craving for them.

Man, I am back, but I am not interesting. I’m barely even coherent. That’s unfortunate.