Ok, ok, I’M BACK. Jesus.

Look, I am really, really tired. I was in Puerto Rico, then I got up at 6am to fly back and come to stupid work. I am an idiot. Imaginary Ta would never have done such a thing, so maybe Ro is better off without her. Real Ta has to fly to Chicago for work tomorrow morning, then back to Boston on Thursday. This makes Real Ta very, very tired.

Not only was I gone, I didn’t have access to free email or blackberry in PR, so poor Ro was left to fend for herself, totally alone.

Short version of the trip: I sat on the beach, a lot. I napped, a lot. I ate, A LOT.

And you know what, I do like crab cakes. But I don’t think I have ever, ever had a craving for them.

Man, I am back, but I am not interesting. I’m barely even coherent. That’s unfortunate.

NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN

Ta has been gone for three and a half days now. Here’s how I’ve spent the time so far:

Day 1: Denial. I consider emailing Ta and inviting her to lunch, even though we had lunch the day before. I abandon the idea of lunch because I have too much work. Only at 6:02 pm, arriving home, do I realize that I am an idiot and that she’s not in the contiguous United States. That, my friends, is professional level denial.

Day 2: Anger. You know what? Fuck Ta. I don’t need her. I can amuse myself. With stuff.  She’s probably having a sucky time anyway. Serves her right.

Day 3: Bargaining/Hallucinating. Having stared at my mail, washed a cookie tray, and watched 4 Colbert Reports, I am at a loss. I cannot amuse myself. I try to lessen the separation by pretending Ta is not far far away. I start having conversations with Ta in my head:

Ro: I’m so BORED!
Ta: Why don’t you play a video game?
Ro: I hate you.
Ta: You love video games, though.
Ro: Most of my delusions are crazier than this.
Ta: You could go kill a monkey!
Ro: There we go.

Day 4: Still Bargaining. I’m supposed to progress to Depression, but my imaginary conversations with Ta are actually going pretty well. I might not talk to the real Ta ever again. Example:

Ro: Hey, remember that time?
Ta: Oh my God, yes!
Ro: That was awesome!
Ta: I know!
Ro: Wait, what are you thinking of?
Ta: That time at Staples?
Ro: Oh. I was thinking of that time on the T.
Ta: Well, they were both awesome.
Ro: True.

And:

Ta: God, I could really go for some crab cakes.
Ro: Ta would never say that. I don’t even think Ta enjoys crab cakes.
Ta: Yes I do, I like them fine. I have a weird craving.
Ro: Um, have you achieved independent thought?
Ta: …No?
Ro: …

I’m looking forward to Day 5, which will feature either Acceptance or Ta’s return. I hope Ta comes back, because I’m really curious about her thoughts on the toilet paper issue. Is someone stealing rolls of toilet paper? Am I sleep-using-toilet paper? Did I TP someone’s house and forget about it? Ta?