What are all these people doing here?

Our history with the Underworld movies is painful and confusing. Much like the movies themselves (rim shot!).

As sort of a joke, Ro, myself, and our friend EFO (whom I think we’ve actually referred to by name here before, making those initials pointless, but I can’t remember) decided to see Underworld. We figured it would probably suck, but there was a chance it could be awesome. And we really liked Buffy and Angel. We knew it would have vampires, so it seemed worth a shot, I guess. We arrived at the movie theater to find AN ENORMOUS LINE. For Underworld. We stood in that line, trying to talk about the other people in line and why there was a line at all and what the hell they were doing there without them hearing us, since several of them looked to be under the impression that they, themselves, were also vampires. We did not want to be in that line. It was a very shameful experience. And also, as previously mentioned, very confusing. 

And the movie sucked. It was shiny, which is nice, but it made no sense at all. And I love Scott Speedman, and I think he can act if someone is telling him how to act, but he clearly did not have that kind of guidance from the director.

Last year, the year before last…recently they made a sequel. Underworld: Evolution. Having learned our ten-dollar lesson, we did not go see it in the theater. Instead, I forced Ro to watch it on demand. I argued that maybe it would make more sense, or at least maybe it would explain the ending of the first one.

To say that it did not would be generous.

You should rent it however. Or, do what I did: I decided it just was not fair that EFO missed out on our viewing, so I purchased the DVD, with money, and sent it to her for her birthday. Her husband (who liked the first one), was thrilled. EFO was maybe less enthusiastic. But it’s a gift, so she HAS to watch it. See what I did there?

To whet your appetite, I give Ro’s recounting of us watching the sequel (when you watch it, which I know you will, you’ll know exactly what scenes we are talking about):

Me: Wait, why is that happening?
Jen: Um.
Me: But in the first movie, didn’t they find out that…?
Jen: Yes? No, there was that bit with…Um.

Me: Are they in rural Russia? Or…New York City?
Jen: Uh…

Me: So she’s just going to…but won’t that other guy? Wait.
Jen: Hmm.

Me: Oh my God, they are having sex!
Jen: Yikes!
Me: Please make them stop.
Jen: It’s still happening.
Me: I am very uncomfortable.
Jen: It’s still happening.
Me: …
Jen: …
Me: …
Jen: Okay! It’s over! Phew.

Me: I didn’t think we would survive that. Wait, what the hell is he doing now?
Jen: Why didn’t he just open the paint cans?
Me: I hate this movie so much.

Jen: Dude, he’s dead!
Me: He can’t be dead!
Jen: Um!
Me: He’s totally dead, you’re right! Wow.
Jen: Man!
Me: I’m kind of sad!
Jen: Me too! Why did he have to die?
Me: I don’t know!
Jen: Oh, wait, no, he’s fine.
Me: Whatever, movie. Oh, look, a helicopter fell in a well.

The End.

A brief message

Whine, whine whine. Whinewhinewhine. WHINE. Whine whine whine whinewhine, whine whine. Whine? Whine whine, whine, whine whinewhinewhinewhine whine. Whiiiiiiiine.

Seriously, that is more interesting than the actual content of what I would whine about. I’ve had an annoying week, but in the grander scheme of things, in comparison to the kind of weeks several of my friends and co-workers have had, complaining about it just makes me feel like a jerk. SO: insert general complaints about work and weekends and undone chores and financial concerns here.

On a happier note, can I tell you how excited I am for Blades of Glory? I can barely even think about the words “Blades of Glory” without giggling, which bodes well. Other positives: I can download Super Nintendo Zelda on the Wii now (or soon, I can’t remember) and the weather is getting nice and I got a haircut and I am going to the gym tonight and it’s almost Wedesday which is halfway through the week and I washed (instead of dycleaning) some pants and I think that all worked out.

Pretentious/Unassuming

Three pretentious thoughts I actually had yesterday:

1. Her laugh has a certain charm, I suppose.
2. Is a flaky crust really so difficult to execute?
3. Ah, the forthrightness of children.

To be fair, I actually AM the snooty female character in a period drama.

Three entirely unassuming thoughts I actually had today:

1. The snooze button is awesome.
2. Ooh, hot dogs!
3. Should I be gargling? People gargle, right?

And then he had to go and RUIN IT

I have this draft post saved in Google Docs that says: “gays in the military – woo!” Last week, there was so much positive gay-related news! More specifically, the Metro  was all gayed out. Sometimes the Metro, perhaps accidentally, perhaps not, seems to have a theme: lots of articles on gun violence, gubernatorial initiatives, whatever. And one day last week, the theme was definitely gays in the military related. There was a story on the ex-servicemembers whoa re trying to get their lawsuit regarding their dismissal from the military back in the courts, a story about Massachusetts representative Martin Meehan’s bill that would repeal Don’t Ask-Don’t Tell, and a local puff piece on the path to marriage a local gay couple took. All awesome, especially the possible repeal of DADT.  A few former officers, now openly gay, are joining up with Meehan to try and get the bill passed (former Marine Sgt. Brian Fricke and former Marine Staff Sgt. Eric Alva). The article in the Metro also highlighted Alva, who lost a leg, and won medals, and who is clearly exceptionally brave and patriotic.  He was the first serviceperson to be seriously wounded in Iraq. He talked about how scary it is to be gay in the military – if you die, the government isn’t going to inform your partner, because to them, you have no partner. You are not allowed to tell them you have a partner.  Every interview I’ve read with a gay former servicemember cites that as their biggest concern – not that the partner won’t get their military benefits (which is also terrible), or that they are afraid their colleagues would be awful to them, or that they would lose their job (although also certainly at the fore of their stress) – it’s that if they died, their partner would be the last to know.

So I was happy to see action being take on the DADT front. Now, of course, I am very very angry at Gen. Pace. Well, maybe not so angry – I’m not really surprised that he thinks that being gay is like being an adulterer, and is “immoral.” I’m surprised that he said it out loud. But I think it reflects a problem common to many in the Bush administration – a total lack of understanding that not everyone sees the world the way you do.  I think that he is probably surprised that so many people were outraged by his statements.

And, like Tim Hardaway a few weeks ago, he isn’t sorry for what he thinks, nor does he believe he is wrong to think that, he is only sorry that people heard him. It’s the non-apology, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Just typing those words almost sent me into a rage blackout. I HATE the non-apology. So condescending!

I suppose I have nothing more to say on the subject, except to say shut up, Gen. Pace.