This is not the post you’re looking for

This isn’t my post for today, but I have two urgent things to say:

1. I can’t believe you brought Gray’s Fucking Anatomy onto our precious blog. Gross. Don’t I have some kind of blog entry veto power?

2. You know how sometimes I do that hilarious thing you love where I’ll explain a joke? Like when someone on TV makes a lame joke, i.e. Grissom, and then I laboriously explain it, making it even worse? But I can’t stop laughing, because I think there is nothing funnier than over-explaining a bad joke? And sometimes I can keep a straight face for up to 10 pedantic seconds? Hee, I’m laughing just thinking about it. Well, now there’s a website for that, but where lame joke = Marmaduke cartoon. Just trust me. Go there. (via Fresh Arrival)
 

What conditioner does he use?

Somehow, Grey’s Anatomy is my most favoritist show on the TV. It’s not really the funniest, by a long shot (The Office), or the best-written (Veronica Mars), or the most dramatic (Battlestar Galactica). But in keeping with the ways in which I am a girl, it finds itself at the top of my Season Pass list. The acting is quite good, and there isn’t anything really bad about it. And primarily, it provides some kind of catharsis – I just really like all of the characters, even sometimes-whiny, pointy Meredith.

That’s not the point. The point is, this season has opened with a Meredith facing a difficult, but HOT choice. Having just hooked up with McDreamy, she has decide whether to date adorable vet Finn, or well-coiffed surgeon McDreamy.  Here’s how they stack up:

McDreamy

Pros:   

1. Really, really nice hair.
2. All-around pretty cute, actually.
3. Is quite charming – could, and has in fact charmed the pants of Meredith
4. Smart, presumably, because: surgeon.
5. Seems to quite like Meredith.
6. The HAIR.

Cons:
1. Kind of jerked Meredith AND the likable Addison around.
2. Was pretty icky that time he was staring at Mere while dancing with his wife.
3. Sometimes goes past charming into arrogant.
4. Not really ok to stay with wife you clearly don’t like while being in love with someone else.

[HOLY SHIT: I am watching an episode while typing this and a kid just came in with a TREE through his torso. Ok.]

Finn
Pros:   
1. Played by the always suprisingly (because I often forget he exists) adorable Chris O’Donnell.
2. Is a vet, and the kind that really loves animals, but not in a creepy way.
3. Disarming and affable, which is charming in a decidedly not-arrogant way.
4. Seems to be a genuinely nice person, and patient with Meredith.
5. Doesn’t buy into Meredith’s whole "I’m damaged" shtick.
6. Recently dead wife! Awww.
[7. Just brought Izzy a sandwich.]

Cons:
1. Recently dead wife. Uhhh.
2. Spouts some rather unbelievable, nearly sappy lines.
3. Might be a patient, might be a doormat.
4. Ok hair, but not nearly so nice as McDreamy’s.

I know that Finn is probably the right choice, on account of McDreamy’s being a bastard re: Addison. But assuming McDreamy learned his lesson and was just in some kind of asshole fugue state due to Addison’s cheating on him, he and Meredith seem to have much more chemistry. And the hair is worth at least 10 points.

Mish Mash

For my Wednesday list entry, TWO lists!

First, six things I love:

• How in Dinosaur Comics T-Rex always refers to Dromiceiomimus as Dromiceiomimus.
• Dressing like an elderly man. Seriously – baggy cardigan? sweater vest? Yes, please!
• The smell of KFC as I walk home.
• These earrings Ta made me – the colors are perfect.
• Presents. This week I got FOUR!
• A Twix bar, refrigerated so the caramel comes off in one piece and I can eat the cookie part separately.

And, eleven things I want (ain’t that always the way):

• Riding boots.
• One million cute scarves.
• A sweater I made myself.
• Exactly three new TV shows to love.
• Hot water bottle, for the bed (sexy!).
• Haircut (what says, "It’s fall"?)
• Not too many rainy days.
• Clogs, just like the ones I wore in high school.
• Nintendo Wii, and Zelda.
• To go out for breakfast.
• My mom’s beef stew.

When I Don’t Have my iPod

Sometimes, I forget my iPod somewhere and then I don’t have it with me when I most need it, on the morning (or evening) commute. Mornings are HARD, man, and I hate the T ride in the morning. Given what happens when I hate things, the iPod is potentially a lifesaver. But I digress.

Last weekend, I left my iPod (and coat, toiletry bag, ring, watch, and earrings) at HF’s (I was very hungover, shut up). So I took my Monday commute without distraction. This makes my brain more likely to go places and think random thoughts.

1. I wonder if I will ever learn to play the bass? In a fit of hobby-trying-on last year, I bought a low-end bass guitar. I taught myself a little bit, but then I started work. I really do want to learn an instrument, and I like the cool-factor of the bass, but I’m having trouble seeing how I can fit bass practice into the 6 hours of TV I need to watch every night.

2. Veronica Mars returns soon. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

3. How come I don’t paint my nails very often anymore?

4. I wonder if this Clinique eye cream will really work. I hope so. These circles are getting zombie-dark. It sure smells good and comes in a pretty jar, so there’s that.

5. I wish I hadn’t quit bagels. I decided that I am allowed only one big breakfast a week now. This means I must select the one weekday when I can have either a bagel or a breakfast sandwich. I was getting a bagel every day, and while it was a delicious start to the morning, it was 1) expensive, and 2) wicked bad for me. I’m not a good dieter, and am on an exercise hiatus because of my back, so I figured it was easier to cut out one bad thing I ate every day. It’s easier, but less tasty.

6. Why can’t I manage to write a post on the days I say I will, instead waiting til the next morning?

TV Shows I Want To See

(part one of an infinite series)

What’s up, TV executives? Hey, how about making these TV shows?

Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters – come on! This idea is just out there, begging to be made. It has everything – teenagers, mutant powers. Well, that’s all, really, but isn’t that "everything"? Yes, it is. So make the show.

   In case you need more reasons:

(1) Just think of the young hot cast you can get (cheap!) and then splash all over ads and commercials! Maybe two of them will start dating in real life – free publicity! Woo!

(2) You can cast a big name as Professor Xavier – now, you probably won’t get Patrick Stewart, but I bet some other dignified Brit would be willing to whiz around in the wheelchair and provide wise guidance to young mutants. Ooh – or you could go for young Xavier, with added sex appeal!

(3) Ready made story ideas. You’d barely have to hire writers!

(4) Built in audience – not just from the comics, but from the movies too. Cha-ching!

    I do have one word of warning. If you mess this up, I will hunt each of you down and force you to watch Smallville. THE WHOLE SERIES. Let this be a warning and a lesson – if you take something awesome and ruin it like Smallville did, I will be very displeased, and you will have to watch Smallville High football players gain the ability to walk through walls from Kryptonite-infused tattoos. You don’t want that.

Same Cast, Different Story - I remember after the first season on 24 no one had any idea how they would continue the show. We scoffed, "What, is Jack Bauer’s daughter going to get kidnapped again? Oh, and terrorists happen to be attacking at the same time? Hah ha!" We were naive then, and didn’t know that Jack Bauer’s daughter could in fact be sort of kidnapped again, and that terrorists have awesome timing. But one of the ideas for the second season was to use the same cast, but tell a different 24 hour story about different characters. And I still love that idea. I stay awake at night wondering what Prison Break is going to do next year (assuming they either make it to Mexico or expose the conspiracy and are somehow not imprisoned for their actual (and numerous!) crimes). The show-runner joked that Michael and Linc would escape another high security prison, which was funny. Seriously, though, what are they going to do?

   Here’s my idea: Use the cast, but now they are, say, investment bankers, one of whom is involved in the mob. Awesome! They get to wear suits, and there is suspicion all around, and maybe someone has a gambling problem, etc. The little bonus here is seeing the recasting – suddenly T-Bag is the dedicated family man and boss! Michael is into the mob for $250,000! Tweener the intern! The mayor runs the Abruzzi crime family (shoutout!). You get the fun of whatever the new plot is, plus the added charge of seeing the actors in new roles, with their old roles as sort of running subtext.

Firefly - I have this great idea for a show. It’s set in the future, after a civil war has empowered a centralized monolithic government. People live on the fringes, forced to either cede to government control or scrape a living on the edges of society. Maybe a bunch of people commit crimes together to get by. They can all live on a ship, say a Firefly class ship, and come from different backgrounds. Maybe they are led by a damaged, laconic man with a tired thirst for revenge and a fierce loyalty to his ship and her crew. Oh, maybe we could throw in a crazed but lovely young girl (is she a danger? or salvation?). May I also suggest some unrequited love? Oh, and have everyone talk all cool.

Endless Love

Sometimes, when I think about the eight years Bill Clinton was president, I get so sad. He wasn’t perfect, but a quick rundown and compare of "Major Problems Caused or Faced While President" between Bill and our current "leader" really gets me in the gut.

Last week, Mr. Clinton was on the Daily Show. I didn’t get to watch it until this weekend, when I was cleaning out the old TiVo (much more fun than, say, cleaning out the fridge). It was as excellent as every episode of the Daily Show always is.  But the real fun was yet to come, when Bill appeared on FOX News in an interview with Chris Wallace.

FOX News gives me hives, so I didn’t watch it live, but of course it’s been all over the news. Chris Wallace is now saying, asshat that he is, is acting all confused as to why Bill got so riled up in his answer, claiming, "All I did was ask him whether he felt he did enough to connect the dots and go after Al Qaeda."

Actually, CHRIS, I am looking at the transcript right now. What you actually did was ask the world’s longest question. You started by saying this was a question that many viewers e-mailed into you: "Why didn’t you do more to put Bin Laden and al Qaeda out of business when you were President?" Then you highlight claims made in the book The Looming Tower, which says that Bin Laden was talking shit about the U.S. back in 1993, and you wondered why, after the attack on the U.S.S. Cole, we didn’t strike back. You end with: "[B]ut the question is why didn’t you do more, connect the dots and put them out of business?" That seems to me like a pretty confrontational way to ask that question, Judgy McBlamey.

Clinton goes right after him, though, bless his heart. He points out that while he will answer all of the questions that Wallace smashed in there, he wants to note that he is being asked this on FOX news.  He goes on to acknowledge that he tried and failed to get Bin Laden, and calls Wallace out for doing "FOX’s bidding" and doing "a nice little conservative hit job on" him. Wallace tried to make out like Clinton is not answering his questions. This brings us to my favorite part of the interview, which I will quote in full, because it’s awesomeness cannot be contained by summary. My comments are in brackets.

Clinton: It was a perfectly legitimate question but I want to know how many people in the Bush administration you asked this question of. I want to know how many people in the Bush administration you asked: ‘Why didn’t you do anything about the Cole? I want to know how many you asked: Why did you fire Dick Clarke?’  I want to know . . . [Bring it, sir!]

Wallace: We asked . . .

Clinton: . . .

Wallace: Do you ever watch Fox News Sunday sir?

Clinton: I don’t believe you ask them that. [Ohhhh, SNAP!]

Wallace: We ask plenty of questions of . . .

Clinton: You didn’t ask that did you? Tell the truth.

Wallace: About the USS Cole?

Clinton: Tell the truth. [Do it.]

Wallace: I . . . with Iraq and Afghanistan there’s plenty of stuff to ask.

Clinton: Did you ever ask that? You set this meeting up because you were going to get a lot of criticism from your viewers because Rupert Murdoch is going to get a lot of criticism from your viewers for supporting my work on climate change. And you came here under false pretenses and said that you’d spend half the time talking about . . .

Wallace: <laughs> [Yeah, laugh it up, jackass.]

Clinton: You said you’d spend half the time talking about what we did out there to raise $7 billion dollars plus over three days from 215 different commitments. And you don’t care.

No, they DON’T CARE. I love you. There’s enough fodder here for a series of posts – not just the rest of the interview, which continues to be super, but also the reporting on said interview in the conservative press, which is infuriating, or the things he says in the interview about the administration’s lack of focus on Afghanistan, or on Bill’s Global Initiative, which has potential.

I think the thing I like best about this, besides the calling out of FOX, is that Bill admits he failed. I’ll grant you that the consequences to him for admitting this failure are not as great as they would be for, say, a current President. But still, he admits that he tried and failed. SOMEONE could learn a lesson from that, surely.

Two Reasons

A friend of mine at work was venting, and she apologized for complaining. I said there was no need because (in addition to the fact that I am champion complainer), complaining is what keeps us from shooting people in the face.

The other thing is the Internet. (Yes, there are only two things that keep me from going on a spree. As Ro learned to her HORROR today. I’m kidding. Or am I?) Specifically, the fact that Internet provides unfettered repeat access to delights ranging from clips from TV shows or movies that I want to watch over and over, to recipes for delicious dinners I need to find the time to cook, to countless pictures of puppies. There is so much to love about the Internet, of course, and the bulk of the time I waste on it is spent reading people’s stories or the news or comics, looking up the release date of the new Zelda game, or window-shopping, but when I need a break from my day, a release valve on the dangerous buildup of rage, I turn to puppies, air dancing, and pictures of food.

Here are the things I watch or read to enhance my calm.

1. Turk air dances to Poison on Scrubs.  Just put it on a loop, but be prepared to laugh. And laugh loud, friends, laugh loud. Scrubs is a great and underrated show, and this was perhaps the silliest but most memorable thing they’ve ever done.

2. Cute Overload. Shut up. This should also go in my list of reasons why I am a girl. The writing is a bit too cute (you could say I find myself on cute OVERLOAD…heh), but the pictures are a delight! Right? RIGHT?

3. Well Fed. I never read this site regularly. I wait until I totally want to zone out and pretend that I am going to cook all weekend. I really love cooking, so reading about how to make something delicious-looking sort of zens me out in this weird way. Plus, the pictures are always really good.

4. Ok Go’s Here it Goes Again video.  A catchy song and wacky-fun dance? Sold. The only downside is that every time I watch this, the song is stuck in my head for at least 3 days. You’ve been warned.

I swear I didn’t mean to do a links post on the same day as Ro. Now she’s going to beat me.

Links

1. The Wardrobe Remix group at Flickr and Closet Therapy, particularly the Wearing Today tag. I love seeing what regular people wear (insofar as people who post pictures of their outfits on the internet can be called regular). Every time I browse I find some look or piece I wish I had. I give no thought to what I wear, mainly out of the belief that until I can afford clothes I want it doesn’t really matter, so long as I’m dressed and kind of match. But someday! Oh, someday!
2. The LitBlog Coop Not only do they recommend a book four times a year, that book is usually from a small press, by an under-appreciated or unknown author, and is awesome. I love this idea. I often read about how there is a glut of books, and no one really knows what to read, and maybe people are picking things they don’t like, which has a chilling effect on future book purchases. It’s nice to have the lit bloggers team up and highlight something they agree is good. Plus, they have interviews with their chosen authors, and they tell you their short list, for additional reading pleasure. I have several past picks on my wishlist, and Michael Martone gave me a lot of confidence in their choices.
3. Daily Lit Super Awesome! Every day they email you five minutes of reading from the book of your choice. I signed up for Jude the Obscure (181 parts), and Poems Every Child Should Know (81 parts). It provides a nice reading break during the day, AND a way to read classics painlessly and without buying them. Go check out the selection. (via Caterina, then a million other places)
4. These Fleeting Moments Gorgeous photography – the pictures look like paintings. I didn’t know light could do those things. Also, I have a theory that photography will be the primary art of the coming century, and that it will mostly be due to digital cameras and the internet (notably Flickr). I think it makes "art" accessible to everyone, and lowers the barriers to entry for amateurs (an untapped art resource). I’m excited. (via Fresh Arrival)
5. Drunken Volcano This is maybe only cool if you (a) read the New Yorker every week, (b) love haiku, and ideally (c) are me. It’s brilliant, I totally wish I had thought of it. (via Emdashes)
6. White Jigsaw A jigsaw puzzle with all white pieces, where the boards get harder as you go. Excellent time-waster, and you can feel smart at the same time. At the later levels I’ve developed a system for categorizing the internal puzzle pieces based on number of indents. That’s a little strategy tip from me to you. (from goodexperience, I forget how I got there, but it’s pretty great)

Brand Loyalist

I bought a new TiVo. A few months ago, they came out with a dual-tuner box so that you can record two things at once. For years I’d been fine with recording one thing, because I was usually home during the relevant conflicting time periods, and could TiVo one thing and watch the other. What with the no longer being in school thing though, I really needed to upgrade. Initially I held out for the HD dual-tuner, because eventually I will get an HD TV, but they slapped an $800 price tag on that sucker. The $30 regular dual-tuner seemed like a better deal, you know?

So I bought a new TiVo. And everyone kept asking me why I didn’t just get Comcast DVR, which already tapes two things and does so in HD if you get the right box. My main reason for not doing so is that Comcast is the devil, and as irrational as it might be to pay a little more for TiVo, I stubbornly refuse to give Comcast more of my cash money than is absolutely necessary.

But there are other reasons. I’m brand loyal like a puppy. I love TiVo, with its cute sounds and colors and happy menus and dancing TV logo. I want them to do well, and I want them to continue to innovate, and I don’t want to live in the world where Comcast DVR is the only option (DRAMATIC!). I like being able to download shows to my computer, or to another TiVo (because someday, I will have a house, and there will be many TiVos), and I like being able to schedule things online.

I have a long history of such stubborn refusals to move on to rationally better choices. My first computer was a Mac, and until I went to college, I would only work on a Mac. I regret my decision to go to PC, since now I really want to go back to Mac (and now that you can dual-boot with Windows on a Mac, I probably will). I love the iPod, and I don’t care if there are cheaper, equally good players out there (or, with the impending Zune, potentially "better" players). (I have a fairly deep-seated hatred of Microsoft that was beginning to fade, but was fully resurrected when they announced that Zune would not be supported on Macs; that’s just petty, Bill.)

Nintendo has arguably long since been outstripped in terms of game engine capability by the PS2 and X-Box. I plan to be first in line to buy a Wii regardless. I clung fast to the Gamecube, despite the rather paltry number of titles that were released for it, because the games that were released were gorgeous and playable and interesting (they had better be, since it seems to take Nintendo and its software partners about 4 years per game). I like that the Gamecube, and the Wii, and small and well-designed, and I like that the DS and DS Lite come in colors. I know they are less powerful and less cool, but Nintendo has been good to me since 1985, and I feel I owe it to stick around.

Companies like Microsoft won’t innovate unless there are companies like Apple and Nintendo, the underdogs, to do so first. So even when those companies fall behind the curve (TiVo), I feel the need to keep buying, to give them the chance to make a comeback and come out with the Next Big Thing (Apple).

Plus, I like it when things come in colors.

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